Today it became clear to me that it's easy to say I'll go where He wants me to go, but not so easy to say when He wants me to go. I like to have a plan, and my plan was serve a mission, get home by the end of 2018, go to college in January 2019. I had a plan when I wanted to have my papers submitted, when I would get my call, even when I would leave.
I'm ready to serve wherever I'm needed; whether it's Stateside or Foreign, it doesn't really make a difference. One thing I learned in Lithuania is it doesn't matter where you are, it's the people that you love the most. So whomever I'm supposed to serve, I'm going to be ok with it.
The hard part is when I'm supposed to serve them. Sometimes it feels like my papers will never be submitted. I haven't even been waiting that long but when each day passes without progress, it KILLS me. First I was hoping to get my call at the beginning of February... then the middle... then the end.. and now I'm hoping to get it at least by mid March. But I can't really know, because I have no idea when my medical papers will come in the mail. I can only pray that they've at least been mailed, and don't get lost in the mail.
I've been hearing girls getting their calls right now and not reporting until June... Which could potentially mean that I might not leave until July depending on how long it takes to get my papers in, therefore thwarting my plans to go to college in January. The thought left me completely anxious.. I do not want to be in Moab for another four months after this.
Today after all of these thoughts were running through my head, I had to ask myself, "Am I willing to go when the Lord wants me to go?". If I'm not needed until August, would I still want to go? Would I still serve even if it meant getting home after all of my friends? (My plan was get home around the same time).
The answer is yes. A very humbling, swallowing-my-pride, putting-all-my-faith-in-God yes. Every week that I don't submit my papers, I ask myself, "Is there something I should be learning?". Well, for one thing- patience. I think this is a good way for me to learn to have complete faith in His plan, even when that means throwing away my plan. To serve the Lord with real intent, for the right reasons. To bring people to Christ, to really sacrifice my time and devote everything in me to being His servant. Now it feels more like a privilege to be called to serve. Of course I'd still prefer that I get a call sooner than later, but it is comforting to know that He has a plan... a perfect plan. Whenever I'm supposed to give those 18 months, it will be the right time.
